I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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