I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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