Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
