Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
His nipple licking is glorious
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