I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
