I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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