HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Your dad touched me again.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
