You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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