So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
