i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she told me i tasted like america
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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