you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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