she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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