Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
