just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
