looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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