I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
