sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He passed out mid-signature
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
