I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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