For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
