Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
