my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
