Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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