I'm going to jail i love you
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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