My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
