I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
