meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
