I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
