And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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