I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
