His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
