She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You were trust falling into bushes
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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