He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Panties = found
Randomize
