She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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