The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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