I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
