Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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