so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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