4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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