Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
