I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
