I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
