I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
