I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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