I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Never joke about your clitoris.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
