Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
