i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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