If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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