Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
