I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
