How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
