I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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