I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
