guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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