I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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