Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
