I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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